Cosmo

Cosmo’s Story

How would you react if you woke up paralyzed?

The story about how I got injured is one of my favorites to tell because so many more stories follow it and honestly, whenever I feel a little down or find myself with no motivation, I recall this story and remember who I am and why it’s crucial that I continue to push my limits and live outside the comfort zone. What’s outside the comfort zone? The Danger Zone!

Think back to the first Iron Man movie. In the beginning, he’s living the party life of fame, money, and women. Nothing had actually gone wrong, but you see a genius with bent morals not using his full potential for the good of the world. Tony knows something isn’t right though and it starts to weigh on him. Then, he almost dies from an attack and becomes a prisoner in a cave where he transforms into Iron Man. When he comes back, he has a clear vision and sets out on his missions of saving the world.

That could almost be my story. Here’s the real thing, it’s longer and has a lot of pictures too.

Before I got injured, I always wanted more and to become great. I was fairly successful, but I was missing a greater purpose and clear direction. I was an adventurous bodybuilder who took risks and was something of a leader. Bringing my friends to the gym and using my bodybuilder knowledge to help them improve or being the first one to jump off a cliff after organizing a group of friends to go to Canyon Falls (and yes, most of them followed me).

I loved exploring and I would be the guy to bring only a small backpack with him to travel across Europe if given the chance. I had gone glacier hiking in Iceland and was athletic enough to be fairly good at ice climbing. I went to Africa on a mission trip and for my 18th  birthday, I took the train, alone, across the US and spent a week in Colorado.

The cool air hitting my face felt refreshing, like giving someone in hell a glass of ice water. I was speeding down the ski hill, tense and almost losing control, making a last-second move that launched me up a ramp. It was the biggest ramp at the hill and I lost control in the air. As I was flying in slow motion two stories in the calm air, I remember thinking “shit.”

The next memory of mine is in the hospital with a nurse cutting off my good underwear. I was mad, but I couldn’t stay mad because my drugged eyes saw a cute nurse and I tried to flirt.

I couldn’t remember my best pickup line, or what a pickup line even was, but I could remember my mom’s phone number, which hasn’t changed since I was a kid and she got her first cell phone. I don’t remember much of the call, but I remember the doctor holding the phone up to my ear and thinking, “why does a hospital still use a 20-year-old landline phone?” Then my mom said something, and I responded, trying to sound casual, “Hi, mom, I can’t feel my legs but I’m fine, you don’t need to come up here.” I was about 500 miles away from home.

A two-hour bumpy ride in an ambulance and off I was to the next hospital for surgery. I woke up, saw my mom in the room and was oblivious to time. It didn’t even occur to me that a whole day had passed until a few hours later. When I woke up, I thought that I was about to go into surgery, not realizing it was already finished. I asked them to give me more drugs to “K.O.” me, as I wrote on a piece of paper, resembling a toddler’s handwriting.

From the little bit of personal development and leadership experience I had, I knew that I had to be the one to be calm and confident. No one was going to give me the tough love that I needed, so I had to do it myself. I’ve always held myself up to high standards. I knew that I was no longer going to be able to go snow camping or hike glaciers in Iceland. I wasn’t going to give up on my bodybuilding or adventures, though. But I knew that it was a big change and no longer would I be able to play volleyball diving in the sand, and listening to Kenny Loggins.

A lot of friends came by to visit me in the hospital. The timing was good, actually. I had gotten injured the weekend before final exams and as people were heading home for Christmas break, I was on the route home, so they stopped by. I never realized how loyal and true my friends were until that moment.

My Mom was already working from home, so she stayed with me every day in the hospital, and once I went to rehab, she was in the ambulance with me as we traveled the 6 hours to Chicago and then sated with me for the month of January until I went back to college, where she dropped me off and I was back in my apartment and received by my loving friends. Having the support from my Mom being with me and my family visiting me often was crucial to my recovery. Along with my friends and everyone on Instagram, it all contributed to my success.

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[Cripmas day, fade in] I woke up prematurely from a nice cozy REM sleep of course, but thats just how hardcore and dedicated I am here. I then ate breakfast and had my nurse help me get dressed. Then I went to a therapist and we worked on me moving from the wheelchair to the toilet. At my skill level I would miss the toilet by a lot, every time. I’ll definitely have to work on that a lot more lol. After that I ate lunch and showered, this time I had my own soap which is that ogx stuff and some tea tree body wash, it makes me feel so clean and high class. Then my family came in and we opened gifts. I got some super good stuff meanwhile all I got them was luggage tags, a tea steeper and a cup. After that I had another therapy session where I learned some good stretches and practiced moving from the wheelchair to a bed type surface. During that, my mom went out and I got some free cheesecake which was delish and thank you waitress visit me anytime. Not too long after, we all went out for a couple hours, and I learned how difficult it is to be in a wheelchair, something that really was against me was that the wheelchair I had was like a bad shopping cart, always going to one side. I also hit a small rise between sidewalk blocks and almost fell out, and then at a cross walk the bottom of my foot holders scrapped the ground. Not complaining but it was kinda spooky lol. Also worth mentioning, I’m moving from my bed to the wheelchair all on my own and the nurse has to be here but they just watch. After my high class shower, I dressed myself and it took a good 30mins, so I’m definitely becoming more independent which is a nice feeling. Remember: Carpe diem… make your lives extraordinary.

A post shared by Cosmo Socrates (@cosmocantdie) on Dec 26, 2018 at 6:54am PST

The entire time in the hospital, rehab, and every day since I have always made sure everyone knew I’m okay. When people visited me, I made sure to show them I was fine. One of those “never let them see you bleed” things (but not exactly, I was very vulnerable, more like never let them see you acknowledge that you’re bleeding). Because my mom was with me the whole time, I knew that I needed to show her, my family and anyone else that I’m the same person, and better . I still had my irresistible wit and charm, I kept an insanely positive attitude, one of “everything works out for me” and “push yourself to the very edge.” The nurses in rehab and the hospital all loved to be assigned my room, we bantered the whole time unless I was asking questions and learning as much as I could. I did the same thing with the doctors and the physical/occupational therapists, we were a big happy family.

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Well, I slept in a little bit today. I still took a nap later on, which ended up taking place of when I would have written this post. So, it just so works out that I’m writing this a little early in the morning. This morning I made some banana bread, but in muffin shape. I used my leg braces to stand and move around the kitchen along the counter. It was much easier to mix the ingredients standing up. They turned out great of course, chef Cosmo makes the best food from not scratch with simple instructions and ingredients. With my PT today, we tried to take the next step and use forearm crutches. THAT WAS HARD. Like, I was falling all around. It was pretty funny, I had no balance with those things and just had to sit down. My balance is alright but I need more practice. I still used the walker to walk towards the stairs. I wanted to go up the stairs today no matter what, using the forearm crutches are the best way, but since I couldn’t stand with those, I just leaned up against the railing and lifted myself up each step. I went six steps up, it wasn’t easy and definitely not a practical way of getting up steps. After all that walking, I worked on some core exercises, I still can’t do a full sit up, but I'm working on it! I went to the stomp program after and there are interns working here for the rest of the semester to get credit and graduate. So most of the therapists are training interns and since they’re new and naïve, I like to mess around and scare them a bit by doing a few wheelies. The last thing I did today was fall. It was a controlled fall though because my PT just brought me down backwards in the chair. It’s to simulate if I ever slowly fall backwards in my chair while on top of a mat. The actual thing I was learning was moving the chair back up (with me in it). It wasn’t hard to do, the only thing that is against me with most movements is that I have somewhat short arms, not like unnaturally short, but just not long arms. Also, if you recall, I talked about another cool shirt that I got when I went out and got the Lego kit. Well you finally get to see it. Remember: If you want guarantee, buy a toaster. #latenight

A post shared by Cosmo Socrates (@cosmocantdie) on Jan 12, 2019 at 12:45am PST

My vision was refining itself, becoming clearer each day. I was on a mission to show everyone that this is nothing more than a little hiccup and that I can come back stronger and better than before. I already had my goals in life, it was in rehab and in the hospital that I decided to go all in. I probably became more ambitious than I was, before I got injured.

All I knew was that there is always an equally great opportunity for every bad situation. I was determined on finding those opportunities and taking on each days’ new challenge with love and eagerness. I wanted it to be hard, I wanted to struggle, I wanted to overcome.

Over time, my vision was clear, my mission was set, and all of this made me realize that if my mind subconsciously knew that I was a leader when my conscious mind was foggy after surgery, then I can lead and help others. That’s what I’m here to do. Your life isn’t over, whether you’ve been paralyzed or gone through any hard experience, your life has just begun, and we don’t have time to waste.

The Achievements List (needs updating, is a few years old)

What crazy things have I done since being injured?

Here’s a bullet point list to show you that within a year, you can do a lot. I’ve been very, very fortunate to do all that I have and almost none of it has to do with me. All I did was say yes and if it weren’t for the people in my life, I wouldn’t have done near half of these things.

So, you may not have the same ambition or connections, but so long as you stay positive and do your best, people will come into your life and you’ll build up your own list. This is of course based on what I like to do, if you hate flying, then that’s fine and your list will be bespoke to you.

• I started working out again, going to the gym and finding new ways to do workouts.
• I got a car and learned how to drive with hand controls.
• I continued school the very next semester. My classes started while I was in rehab and my friends had to mail me my calculator. (I also got A’s in the classes I took)
• One month after I got injured, I flew back home for a surprise appearance at a fundraiser held for me.
• I made a lot of new friends, a lot of people on at school knew me from Instagram.
• As I began meeting new people, I was introduced to some highly successful people and even inspiring them while they inspire (mentor) me to continue growing and succeeding.
• For spring break, I went to Germany and I didn’t even have my wheelchair yet (I was using a loaned one while mine was being built).
• After the semester ended, I moved to Wisconsin to work at a Fortune 500 company as an electrical engineer. (More posts on that later)
• I was on a discussion panel for “Disabilities in the workplace.”
• At work, I met a lot of people who I learned a lot from – you might even say mentors.
• I learned how to swim again.
• I went to EAA, learned about airplanes, met a lot more people (some pilots) and flew in a helicopter!
• I flew in an airplane for my EAA Eagle Flight and even got to fly the plane myself for a while once we were in the air.
• I went to some concerts at Mile of Music in Appleton, WI
• I went to a theater and saw Hamilton and Phantom of the Opera.
• I learned a lot about professional massage therapy – receiving and giving – even traveling to attend conferences, meeting more people to learn from.
•  I did an interview for an article.
• Visited my high school and spoke to 3 classes about overcoming obstacles and being successful.
• One year after rehab, I went to Australia  for a study abroad. (still here while I’m writing this)
• More to come

A lot of people won’t even want to do half of these things. That’s totally fine, everyone likes doing different things and they have their own list of achievements that they’re proud of. This is just to show you that being in a wheelchair is NOT going to limit your happiness or ability to do what you want. It might be harder, and yes, some things actually aren’t possible, at least at the moment. Don’t get hung up on that though, accept it and once you do, you’ll be able to move past it and on to even greater things.