Tag: Philosophy

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Choose Two – Comparisons and Consequences

Something that stuck with me from one of my university courses about electronics – you can have high speed, small size, and a good price. Choose two. It’s pretty true. If you want a compact computing chip that’s wicked fast, it will be very expensive. The formula here is two characteristics that make the third go up if combined. You want an affordable toilet, good looking toilet, and one that’s made of good material. Choose two.

So, this applies to life on a broader scale. And none of this is much of a revelation as much as just articulating a truth so understood on a subconscious level that we neglect to give it any attention. I think because doing so doesn’t really change much or help us in any way. Trade offs. We always must make concessions, ideally these are based on our values but more often our emotions (is there a difference?).

Here’s what this article (blog if you must and I wish you didn’t) is about. Life in a wheelchair. Where to live, what makes it good, and what are the trade offs?

I’m going to break it down into every single aspect that matters. First on why, then what the trade offs are (if any) and maybe some other things. Categorizing all this is tough, like a Venn diagram but much more complicated. I think comparisons and consequences may be the way forward. Also it would make a good title (adding it now).

What I care about: Good weather, public transit, accessible infrastructure (sidewalks, entrances, transit, housing), healthcare, culture, public goods, and geography.

Weather

As a wheelchair user, the weather will affect what you do and what you can do. I used to live somewhere that had a lot of snow and long winters. I would get stuck in the parking lot on my way to my car and then struggle to wipe off 400 cm of snow. In cold, snowy weather, my legs and feet will get dangerously cold with their lack of blood flow. If you have a car, then you go from building to car and car to building through the snow. Not much else. Even getting around my university campus not more than 20 meters was a very very hard and discouraging thing to do. I would only go out if it was really worth it.

If you live without a car and there’s snow, then you’re on the sidewalks until you get to a train or bus station. This sounds much worse. I can’t imagine trying to carry groceries home in a situation like this, especially if the terrain has hills, getting stuck going up or losing control down a hill I can only think of as a nightmare.

Weather is one of the most important factors for life and lifestyle in a wheelchair. Being anywhere that has a major snowy season should be avoided at all costs. Anywhere that has no winter/snow or very small amounts of snow makes a massive difference. I’ve done both. When the weather is good, I go out more and I’m much happier. In the snowy winters, I’m much more isolated. Other than snow, the next thing is rain, but this is much more manageable.

Public Transit

There is a fair case against public transit. You are beholden to the timetables, delays, cancellations, and destinations of a system you have no control over. Any commute has the possibility (keep in mind the probability could be low) of contagious/dirty people, crying babies, and breakdowns. In New York City (Manhattan Island), only certain stations of the train are accessible (have an elevator), I got off at an accessible station and the elevator was broken. I then had to get back on and go to the next accessible station and possibly transfer to another train to get closer back to where I originally wanted to go. It was also very dirty, some people were rude, and some areas were very confusing to enter/exit.

When it comes to public transit, it’s good if it’s good. When the stations are clean, the bathrooms are clean (and free), the transit is fast, having an elevator is the rule instead of the exception, there are busses and trains to get you almost anywhere, and the elevators are well maintained. This is Japan and Singapore (other places too, but I haven’t been to other places yet).

When you use public transit, you eliminate the enormous headache that a car brings. Paying for insurance, getting hand controls, getting in and out of the car, constant maintenance, the higher probability of an accident, and being alone so much.

I think public transit for people that use wheelchairs is a game changer. But only if the weather is good. Entirely relying on transit means that you also need to go to the station, doing this through the snow will likely result in more “snow time” than going from a building to a car.

Accessible Infrastructure & Geography

A city means nothing if you can’t get into any restaurants, stores, homes, or even just to go around the city. When I was in Germany, I could get into a lot of places but quite a few multiple steps up or down. There were a lot of cobblestone areas, too. In Seattle, the whole city is on a hill that feels like it’s going up every way and when it does go down, it’s so steep you burn your hands trying to slow down. It’s impossible to avoid hills. It’s impossible to find a city where a wheelchair can get into every building independently or with very minimal help. Even downtown in the city of Boulder Colorado (very, very liberal if you don’t know), there are a few places with a stair set going down as the only entrance.

What I’m looking for here is that I can get into most places. That my friends don’t always need to visit me. I can go walk around the city alone without needing help up a hill or up a step to get into a building. Here’s the trade off on this. If you rely on public transit and walkability, it’s inevitable to have more issues than you would in a car. It’s because the car is replacing the walkability. You go from parking lot to parking lot in a car and you go to a place where you can just get right in. When you’re walking around a city, you absolutely will find a sidewalk that ends at a curb with no ramp/gradient down to the street. Or small cluttered sidewalks that force you to go in the street. You may come across a restaurant with high barstool seating and nothing else.

We know that nothing is perfect, but we can score the cities. We need good sidewalks. I once asked some people about my possibly visiting Thailand. They said the sidewalks are so bad they won’t even try to go out with a pram (stroller). We need most buildings to have a ramp or elevator. Modern housing/apartment buildings so that there are more options when it comes to where to live – even if it’s not marketed as “accessible,” if there is ample space and an elevator, that fulfills my needs. The older the housing infrastructure means smaller and no elevator, or they have it at such a premium to render it prohibitive.

In a few words – mostly flat, mostly modern.
In every aspect. The transit, housing, buildings, and land (for being flat).

Public Goods

Mainly this is about bathrooms. In Europe it’s very uncommon to find a public bathroom, or you have to pay at a train station. In the USA, there’s usually a bathroom everywhere you go, but again, the USA is a place where you drive from parking lot to parking lot. You are almost never “in between” as you may be in a walkable city – where you find yourself needing a bathroom halfway through a 30 minute walk with only small shops around.

In places like Japan and Singapore (again, these are the places I’ve been, so not an exhaustive list), the bathrooms are plentiful. They’re free, accessible, and very clean. I have pooped and peed my pants in many cities across Europe. Never once in Japan or Singapore.

There are other public goods to talk about, such as parks or whatever. I’m not concerned about these. What I really care about for a city, a walkable city, is that when I’m walking around (and it’s the only way to get around), I don’t have an issue when I need to pee.

Healthcare

Skipping over the truth, it’s easy to say that in the USA, you can’t get healthcare unless you have a job. You can. It’s hard. It’s not that good. It’s common to say that in Europe, the healthcare is better. I don’t know a lot about the details. Here’s what I can say confidently: for a wheelchair user, having medical needs (catheter, etc.) is almost a known/given. Personally, this is kind of low on my list. If I’m in a city that has good public transit, public goods, and it modern in it’s economy and infrastructure, then I’m sure there’s a way to get healthcare. Whether or not it’s affordable or how easy it is to get, I’ll find out. I know that it won’t financially kill me. It can’t.

The Life We Choose

These are all the major attributes of a city to consider. They are objective. The only other aspects are language, culture, and personal values. If you love everything about Copenhagen, then maybe you can handle a snowy season or have a winter home in Barcelona if you’re bank account is well endowed. There is no perfect city, and why should there be? Life is all about trade offs. When we decide to do something, anything, we intrinsically are deciding to not do many other things. If we want public transit, then we will sometimes miss the train. If we want a car, then we will sometimes have a breakdown with no friends to come help fix the car. Choose the most important, and leave the rest. I would love to live in a small apartment where there’s a social culture in a walkable city than be rich and alone in a big fancy house. There are downsides everywhere. Corruption. Oppression. Cultural incompatibility. No place is perfect. Don’t look at it too long. Don’t look at it from too far away. Don’t think yet about the destination. Look at the journey. Get close, inspect at each hour of the day, understand the routines of each week. Are you fulfilled? Most of us will do the same thing anywhere – eat breakfast, go to work, do a sport, cook, clean, sleep, shop, and so on. That’s the journey. And now forget the journey. It’s never really been about the journey or destination. It doesn’t always matter where you are or where you’re going. It’s about the company – who you’re with. The memories made along the journey & who’s there with you at that destination.

The End

I often wonder if a majority of people in wheelchairs find themselves all gravitating to the same city but each person comes to the idea independently. I think Singapore is the best city for me. Because of the reasons above but also because I only speak English and I love the culture (this last one is very subjective). Anyway, I hope you can come to understand that if you choose to live somewhere with lots of snow, maybe it’s because you’ve built up a community of friends and family to help you with the snow. Having that can make any amount of snow tolerable. If you are more alone or independent, choose no snow but maybe you have to make concessions on the quality of public transit? It’s up to you.

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Use It or Lose It

There’s no point in keeping something for later use, especially if it’s a one-off. When I went to Japan, I brought back some sakura mochi. It was a good and unique treat, so I wanted to “save” them. Eventually, they went bad. I only ate about half. From this, my biggest lesson learned – use things as soon as possible. There’s no point in having anything unless it’s getting used in some way. An expensive painting kept under your bed or in a closet for no one to see but for it to be kept safe because of how nice it is misses the point. The value is in it’s use, which may lead to it’s demise but all the better. I’m not saying to be careless and disrespectful, also, sure, some things should be made to last after our death. Then again, if you can’t enjoy it to it’s fullest purpose, why have it? If you say it’s an investment, will you ever realize the gains?

Especially now, in the age of over abundance, keeping a nice shirt nice at the expense of doing what you want is only harm to you. Don’t wear a nice shirt to go hunting in the mud, that’s just stupid. But if you’re at a wedding and you won’t dance or have fun so the shirt would get ruined, that’s when it’s an issue. This assumes you’re not so totally broke that you have one nice shirt and can’t afford another without the rent being paid.

Buy nice things and use them. Otherwise we or the things expire. My rule is that when I go through all my stuff under my bed or my closet, I ask myself if I’ve used it in the past year. If not, how can I start using it now? Sometimes there’s nothing I can do with it, so I throw it away or donate it. It’s been out of sight and of no use for so long.

There are some keepsakes that have their place under my bed, such as all the letters/cards I got when I was injured. I keep these and similar good-memory type items because I have space under my bed for them and it doesn’t actually hurt me to keep them. Though, as soon as I move and need to start compromising what to bring and what to leave, anything non-functional is left behind.

My advice: buy that expensive whiskey, bring home whacky foods from traveling, get that high quality jewelry, bring a beautiful new painting into your home, but don’t ever “save” it for a special occasion. Don’t deny yourself a pleasure for that “special moment.” Wear the jewelry daily until it breaks, invite friends for no reason other than to try that food or drink. Let the painting get sun bleached because it looks nice in your room when the sunlight hits it just right. Break things. Wear them down. Die with nothing unused.

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Accessibility is Also Exclusionary (by design?) 

As much as anyone else, I only care when someone does something “wrong” when it affects me, and the same act is almost always justified when I do it. Sadly, I encounter this more than a normal person would. When I go to the bathroom and the only big/accessible stall is taken but I only have to pee, I can just go next to a urinal or try to fit into a smaller stall. I just pee into a bag, so basically anywhere with some privacy will work. However, when I have to poop, now it becomes an issue. The question is, should no one use the big stall (even if all the others are taken) just in case I come in and need to poop? At my office, this might make sense because it’s the bathroom in a building where we all know I am and the probability of me using the bathroom to poop is much higher. If we could track every person who absolutely needs the bigger stall, then we know when we should or shouldn’t use the bigger stall. Another perspective is that maybe I shouldn’t be treated so different – I’m still a person and no more important than anyone else, and as such, I can wait just like everyone else might have to. I generally agree with this except that I am limited to just one bathroom stall, and if that one is taken but the other normal (small) sized stalls are available, they aren’t available for me. This reminds me of when I got my license to use hand controls on my car, it was a normal driver’s license except that it would say I can use hand controls. Well, that’s what I thought it would say. Instead, it said I’m restricted to only using hand controls. 

One more example comes to mind – parking. There are many reasons (legitimate or not) that someone will park in a handicap spot. The parking spots are nice because you can just go right to the front and usually not have to worry about finding a spot, often times there are a few available. My reason for using a handicap parking spot is not really because I need to be close to the front, it’s because I need to open my car door all the way so I can get my wheelchair in and out. If I parked in a normal parking spot, I wouldn’t even be able to get to my door because of how close the cars are. If I can’t get a handicap parking spot, I leave. Sometimes these handicap spots aren’t even safe. Multiple times I’ve gone to my car (parked in a handicap spot) only to see that some other car has parked in the area marked off for no-parking because it provides the space I need (and then I can’t get to my car door because the cars are so close together). 

There is no easy solution, but the general idea is that instead of me being restricted to the accessible options, we could make all the options accessible or remove the need for an accessible option completely. Make all bathroom stalls accessible. Have an infrastructure with (accessible) public transit so that I don’t need to have a car to park. 

The world has no obligation to me or accessibility. It’s a fairly recent nicety, but it’s hard to make a good objective argument for it unless you are very much into helping everyone with everything – but that’s a very slippery slope. Some parts of the world are better than others by default, but no place is perfect. 

PS, here’s an example or what I mean when I say some parts are better by “default.” In the USA, with all the ADA laws and such, my university was still not accessible to many standards. A lot of doors were without a button to open it and some buildings had parts that were fully inaccessible. Yet, at another university in Australia where I studied, the doors didn’t even need buttons because they were all automatic sliding doors. This is convenient for everyone, especially those who can’t even use their hands to press an accessible door button.

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A Year Later & My Thoughts on Life’s Progress and Regression

Before I went to the gym, I decided to write for the first time in a long time once I got home. I haven’t written in a really long time, hardly read anything either – if this ends up so dry that it’s easier to eat than read, I hope you came hungry.

I have nothing specific to talk about, but that’s never stopped either of us, so I might as well start with this. I currently am hit with a wave of sadness about just being alive. Using my best analysis, it’s probably because I just got back from the gym – a haven that I’ve come to loathe. Not because of what it is, but what it once was and every rep and workout reminds me that all my friends are not here. There’s a last time for everything and that’s easy to understand but it’s hard feel after realizing the last time (or best times) has come and gone.

With this in mind, I should stop writing immediately to avoid the hazard of making everyone think I’m on the brink. But I’m afraid I won’t ever come back to this draft. Happy thoughts. It’s hard to do. This past year I’ve had to face the music about the stem cell treatment not working. It’s not all too hard when I have a beautiful girlfriend, travel, have my family around, support from friends, a good job that gives me financial freedom and a lot more vacation than most people my age. Well, what I should really say is that it’s not hard to face the music if I have other things – good things – in my life to distract me. But there are those moments, even while traveling, where I zone out and get deeply, momentarily, depressed and I honestly don’t think I’ll make it past 30 – I don’t want to – is this really me now? Then I snap out of it and the thought doesn’t come back for months. The good thing is that I know thyself & this is an emotional reaction, very much in the moment. Almost childish, like how a kid will scream and kick until a few seconds later forget it all and go run around with his friends like nothing happened. For me, this happens when I’m blatantly confronted with a terrible truth about life in a wheelchair. Unfortunately, this happens most when I am outside of the safe zone – i.e. when I’m traveling. There is no solution, maybe just mindfulness and acceptance but I’m no shrink.

So there, we went in a downward spiral. I guess the only place to turn is philosophy since I don’t really have good news to announce except that I’ll be slowly putting more effort into my “brand” WheelchairDNA – YouTube, writing and so on (no AI, pure human words here). I’ve been thinking lately about the regression to the mean. Usually spoken about in the context of the stock market. Essentially, there is no endless growth. (I don’t actually know this, and I won’t fact check myself, but this is how I understand it) You take the % gained / years invested and given a long enough time, the % gain will match the mean (average) of the market. In another way, given a long enough time, anything exceptional will become average. You can be great one year and even grow to be greater, but exponential growth can’t be sustained and over time that greatness just won’t be special.

I think about a time in middle school, I took an aptitude test that, among many things, asked me to memorize a sequence of numbers and repeat them back. I was told that my score was at the 16th grade level. That’s college. I also could be remembering wrong but that’s the difference between a memoir and a biography. After that test, I went back to class and nothing changed. Now I’m beyond university, and might even score worse if I took the same test. I remember when I was about 7 or 8 months after my injury. Working at Kimberly-Clark for my internship. I was in the gym, I had traveled to Europe (1 month after leaving rehab, 2 months after injury), I had a car, and I was way ahead of the game. A guy in a wheelchair asked me “How many years have you been in a wheelchair?” “None”. Only a couple months, and I was proud of that. I had excelled in rehab and went far beyond that. Exponential growth. But there’s a ceiling. For example, I mastered doing a wheelie, going down stairs, how to effectively lift weights, and maneuver international travel. Once I did all that, no matter how impressively early, it eventually becomes normal. I no longer can say I’ve been in a wheelchair for a short time and done so much. I’ve been in a wheelchair for some years now, all those things are nearly expected, kind of normal. Still impressive, but at this point you won’t be shocked. It’s the itch for new that’s been well scratched. Even think about weightlifting, there’s a video online when I was 14 or 15, before my injury of course, deadlifting 4 plates – 405lbs (~180kgs). That’s insane. But, overtime, I regressed to the mean. The interesting, or potentially interesting, thing I thought of is that perhaps the regression to the mean only applies if you continue investing. If you buy a stock and never buy anything else, perhaps it never regresses. If you do something great, then die, no one sees that greatness dissipate. All that’s left is what could have happened. This is why people like JFK, Caesar or Lincoln are so popular. Not that they were so perfect, but we only remember them at their greatest, they never had the time to regress to the mean. History had a chance to see Napoleon rise and fall, maybe it’s just that he overreached, but imagine if he were assassinated at his height of military power and French territorial control. Even if it didn’t last without him, we would all speculate on what more he could’ve done.

One of my favorite speeches I visit often is David Foster Wallace’s commencement speech – This is Water. Like a listening to a sad song when you’re sad, there’s a word yet to exist that describes the comfort in hearing someone else verbalize exactly how you feel – sometimes better than you ever could. I’ll learn German first then get back to you on what to call that feeling. In this speech he talks about how mind melting the day to day “adult trenches” truly are. For most people (this is my USA perspective), life changes frequently and routinely all through childhood. Every few years, we change schools. Preschool, first grade, then middle school (a new building, sometimes a whole new public school with 100% new people), then high school (again could be entirely new), then college (where the most change happens). Throughout all this there can be moving to new cities, states, doing new sports, and in university probably the most change inside and out. Then, all of the sudden, the change stops. Sure there are kids, new jobs, moving to new cities and states. But those changes really slow down and maybe stop completely. It’s possible to have 10 years in the same house, with the same car, going to the same job, shopping at the same stores, sleeping in the same bed. This is where the regression to the mean happens. When there aren’t really any new things happening. The day to day trenches of adulthood become month to month and year to year. I am entering these trenches. I am struggling to cope with the lack of newness.

But alas, not all is lost. For I am a thinking man. Life can be much better, the trenches can be enjoyable or maybe there aren’t any trenches at all. The truth is, I haven’t been very social lately. It was never about being in the university environment. It’s about having friends around, doing fun things, having hobbies. School was actually bad and I’m not a huge fan of the academic bureaucracy in universities – I always felt like I was being taken advantage of. I shouldn’t romanticize it. Adulthood is much better. Maybe I’m just lucky but I get to have a job where I can learn new things, do new things, and meet new people. Going to the office everyday is kind of fun, shopping at the same store is fine. I don’t have homework, so I can truly enjoy my time once I’m home after work – not to mention I get paid enough to go out after with friends after work (I don’t, but I could).

Still, the whole regression to the mean thing seems to be getting to me. I feel pressure to keep doing more and more. Always new, always impressive. I’ve done a lot, all very impressive in context, so can I relax now? Sadly, I don’t think so. It must be the go-go-go American in me. All my hobbies must make money, do drop shipping, be an entrepreneur. Blah blah blah. I’m not ready for a company, I don’t even know what I would do. I guess I have this WheelchairDNA thing. But maybe I’d rather go out with friends and just enjoy life. The real trick is doing something outside with other people, or just anything with friends.

In summary, I’m doing good and going through the same mental turmoil as anyone else who is just like me.

Caio, au revoir

Also, yes, there are some big boy milestones I’ve recently passed. I bought a house, I’m working towards another promotion at work, I got a food processor & made my own almond butter, I’m planning to do a bodybuilding competition, and I expect to leave the US & live in Europe or Asia within the next few years.

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In What Way to Accept Being Disabled

A fair amount of people struggle to accept being in a wheelchair. It’s possible to not like it yet accept it simultaneously. Naturally, I hate it entirely but that doesn’t keep me from being happy, living a great life and doing what I want. I’m here, now.

I was at the zoo with a some friends, they had a kid that was old enough to walk around but young enough that they brought a stroller for her. She ended up not using the stroller at all. Throughout the time we were at the zoo, and struggling to get the stroller around, the mother was poking some passive aggressive things towards the father about how she knew they didn’t need it and so on. The father argued back a little bit, that they might’ve needed it and so on. A typical argument you may have when the wrong decision was made and one person was right. What I couldn’t understand during all this was that they were both intelligent, well read in philosophy, and a virtuous couple. All the while, the stroller was still there and ultimately no good came from their bickering.

Remember this: the stroller is here, now. You are here, now. That won’t change, now.