Why I Wont Do Things I Could (In a Wheelchair)

I could very well do a lot of things, unlike in the far past, nearly everthing today is accessible. It may cost more, but if you’re determined, you can do it. I know of a man who can’t move his arms and can barely stand up (ALS), yet he hunts.

This is something I’m hoping people who are friends/family of someone in a wheelchair can read and understand.
My family encourages me to do things, I say no, they get upset. They think that I’m allowing a wheelchair to hold me back from donig things I want to do. While that is party true, it is only true in a very small, specific way. Yes, being in a wheelchair or having some disability creates a barrier that I sometimes just don’t care to put forth the effort to overcome, but the reason I don’t care to put in the extra effort is that I just don’t care to do whatever it is.

If I did care about doing something, I would do it and don’t forget, I have cared about doing things. In the gym, I have contrived of great ways to do workouts. When I was in Australia (first of all, I went to Australia alone) I wanted to go skydiving and despite the few friends I had not wanting to, I still managed to get on a ferry, go to an island, and jump out of that plane. Even on the way back, getting off the ferry, the exit was up a flight of stairs, so I managed to get help up the stairs, continue into town and find my way back via public transportation.

Here is the short list of why I sometimes won’t do things:
1. I didn’t do it before my injury.
2. I don’t want to do it enough for the cost or extra effort.
3. The accessible way doesn’t interest me.
4. I’d rather focus on other things.

I explained mostly the second one. The first one has a simple logic, I didn’t play a certain sport before I got injured and just because it’s a special thing for me to do now, it doesn’t make me want to do it anymore than before my injury not too long ago. I lifted weights and competed in bodybuilding before I got injured and here I am doing the same post-injury.

The extra cost. Nearly everything, perhaps literally everything, accessible will cost more money and in most cases more time and effort. I value all three, and I like to use all three as a way to advance myself into what I define as a successful life. Many successful people, imagine Bill Gates, don’t do everything. Actually, nearly all successful people say no to enarly everything and focus on a very few things. I have been fortunate enough to have that mindset bestowed upon me, eliminating distravtions that before were all to easy to affect me. Of course, I still enjoy having fun, which is why I went skiing last winter and why I’d still like to go on a 4×4, jetski or snowmibiling (which actually have little to no extra cost for being accessible for me). This also is part of the fourth reason, for me to focus on other things.

The biggest reasoning for me is the third listed above. I love playing sand volleyball, I’m not all too good but a day at the beach with friends, music, grilled burgers and playing beach volleyball has always been considered a great time. Sure, I could probably continue to play sand or hard floor volleyball, and yeah I could get a track chair and go for a walk on the beach, but I won’t. I like sand volleyball for how I used to do it, not for it in and of itself. I want to do it the way I used to or not at all because I only find it enjoyable for what it was. Not many things are like this for me, however, the reasoning for anyone to do anything is because they like to or want to do something in the way they enjoy.

In What Way to Accept Being Disabled

A fair amount of people struggle to accept being in a wheelchair. It’s possible to not like it yet accept it simultaneously. Naturally, I hate it entirely but that doesn’t keep me from being happy, living a great life and doing what I want. I’m here, now.

I was at the zoo with a some friends, they had a kid that was old enough to walk around but young enough that they brought a stroller for her. She ended up not using the stroller at all. Throughout the time we were at the zoo, and struggling to get the stroller around, the mother was poking some passive aggressive things towards the father about how she knew they didn’t need it and so on. The father argued back a little bit, that they might’ve needed it and so on. A typical argument you may have when the wrong decision was made and one person was right. What I couldn’t understand during all this was that they were both intelligent, well read in philosophy, and a virtuous couple. All the while, the stroller was still there and ultimately no good came from their bickering.

Remember this: the stroller is here, now. You are here, now. That won’t change, now.

A Brief Update on This Website

If you didn’t pay attention, you’d notice that you’ve missed nothing – I haven’t been posting on this website or on the youtube channel in a long time. Simple reason, neither have been a priority for me. I’ve had an internship with Oracle and reading or enjoying my summer otherwise. My motivation to write or record/edit/upload has been low and in fact nearly zero. There are many days I don’t think I have anything of value to share. There are also a few other sources of information that put in more time and effort than I do, so I typically avoid putting up duplicate information – though I don’t look at any other sources, so I don’t really know what is duplicate or not. Anyway, I’ve since meditated on the future of my online presence and concluded that if I’m not enjoying what I’m doing, then I won’t do it. You’ll begin to see changes in topic for blogs, it’ll be more authentic and unique to me. I aim to contribute (to the reader) information that is, well, unique to what only I can give. Although the world is much too big for any one of us to have truly unique contributions, what makes it unique is half that it’s me doing it and half that you’re reading it. Two to tango and that type of stuff. I do believe that my life is unique in that the experiences and my personality + knowledge are not shared by anyone who also blogs. This may turn more into philosophy, me expressing thoughts, sharing stories. I will still hope to have a lesson or some type of takeaway for the reader. My audience is still the wheelchair-disabled community, but can begin to grow into a larger, neurodiverse community. Here is where I begin to falter because I am only most familiar with myself and my situation, which is on the lower, perhaps lowest, end of disabilities. How I explain my experience in a wheelchair to anyone, is to tell them “sit down” and that’s how I feel (just don’t stand back up). I have met others, whose situation more dire than mine, and it has given me new perspectives. I would like to bring these forward as well, but again, consider that there is no experience other than through imagination on these topics.
We have now reached the limit to which I can drag out what could be said in a few words to many. My upcoming blogs will be brief and beautiful.

What It Takes to Be a Happy Paraplegic – The Most Important Virtue

Cosmo wearing sunglasses with his arms spread like Tony Stark from Iron Man 1 with Australian views in the background

Reading time: 5 minutes

No matter how you define happiness, I can tell you what it never is. It’s not doing little. It’s not living a secluded life. It’s not doing what’s easy. It’s not bathing in sulk everyday and feeling pity for yourself.

I’ve heard horror stories, all too common occurrences, of people getting injured – paralyzed of any kind – and then they recluse. They go home and stay inside, depressed and lame. Sure, you have “reasons,” but those usually follow actions and thoughts rather than precede. You’re biased. (don’t make excuses).

I can’t act like I’m an average guy. I remember meeting someone in a wheelchair and they asked how many years it’s been for me, and in fact it hadn’t even been 1. It was like 7 months, and they thought it had been many years.
I went on an airplane just a few weeks after rehab, and right after rehab I came back to uni to live in my same apartment with my mates and survived a greatly cold and snowy winter. I then went to Germany for spring break and somehow was able to shower in bathrooms that were more art than a place to be comfortably naked.

I wasn’t able to do any of it without the relentless support of my friends and family. But they wouldn’t have an opportunity to help me if I weren’t the type to do crazy things.

Essentially, one month after rehab I had skills people are lucky to gain 2 or 3 years after rehab. Flying internationally, going up and down stairs, getting in and out of houses (inaccessible), crazy bathtubs, trains, planes, and a Mercedes van (parked 2 feet from the curb). And I still don’t like green eggs and ham.

It goes without saying, and largely with observation, that a very large factor is the physical ability I have. As a bodybuilder, I already had the strength. After my injury, I only can’t move my legs (everything else is perfect).

With all this in mind, I want to tell you that the most important virtue anyone in a wheelchair can have is courage.

Forget for a moment all the things that were in my favor. I mentioned them so you have all the facts, but none of them matter if I didn’t have courage. I’m not sure where I got it, or how you can get some.

All I know is that it begins with courage.

When I wake up at 5am and head out to the gym in 0F weather, angry winds, and terminal snow. Not only do the wheelchair wheels leave a path, but my feet as well. It’s deep snow, covering my feet at points. I get stuck in the parking lot at least 2 times getting to my car and 3 getting into the gym (and I park right next to the door).

How many people in a wheelchair would do this? How many would just go later?

Yes, it takes more than just courage to do all that. But it begins with courage.

Have the courage to try. Have the courage to brave conditions that any normal person would avoid. Have the courage to learn. Have the courage to stop caring what other people think. Courage to love yourself. Courage to begin again. Courage to initiate. The courage to leave the house. The courage to go outside. The courage to ask for help. The courage to look silly. The courage to risk momentary embarrassment for eternal triumph. The courage to believe that you can do it, you will figure it out. Courage to leave your comfort zone. To push yourself beyond what others expect of you. Courage to persist through hardship. The courage to never give up. The courage. to try.

Have the courage, my friend.

And it shouldn’t be everything I do, but it must be all that you are capable of. Then, you will be happy knowing you’ve lived a life worth living.

Immediate actionable items: Really think about this quote by Churchill, “if you’re going through hell, keep going!”

Summary: To be happy, you need to live. Everyone is met with pronounced adversity. Moving beyond those obstacles, displaying strengths and virtues, having the courage to keep going. That is what it takes to be happy. Not doing what’s easy.

Overdeliver:  I’ve noticed that all it takes is the courage to try and the world will help. People can’t help you out of a hole by getting in with you, but when you get close to the edge, when your hand rises above and shouts, “here I am!” that’s when you’ll feel the warmth and firm grip of a friend to help.

I was never fully comfortable doing the things I’ve done. My first flight was about 2 weeks after rehab, and I was alone. Personally, I truly enjoy being out of my comfort zone, but that doesn’t mean I’m entirely calm on the inside. I have the unbreakable belief that I can figure anything out and achieve anything. Having that belief takes courage in oneself.

The reason I talked about myself so much is that I don’t know how to tell you what to do to gain courage, the type of courage that enlightens your life. However, I can inspire you by telling some of what I accomplished with courage.

Paraplegic Gear/Tools of the Month: Hands-Free Phone Calls

For this month, the problem we face is what to do when getting a phone call. True, you can hold your phone up to your ear, but then it gets difficult to move around.

You most likely have Bluetooth earbuds or headphones, but if you don’t, that’s what I recommend you get.

I use Jabra earbuds whenever I’m in a phone call or in the gym, and my hands are free to move around.

You can also get Apple earbuds, Microsoft, Google, Amazon, or anything else you find online. There are plenty of options.

Wheelchair Modifications: Sliding Feet Solution

Reading time: 1 minute

This will be quick

The footplate on your wheelchair, the metal plate that your feet rest on, can get slippery.

If your shoes slide off, or feet slide off, you can add grip tape to your foot plate.

Be aware that this is basically sticky sand paper and could damage your feet, or make them super smooth.

Check this out: cool grip tape (you’ll have to cut it to size)

Methods for Paraplegics to Get Groceries

Reading time: 2 minutes

When it comes to getting groceries, especially a lot, it can be harder for people in wheelchairs.

Here are a few ways I’ve gotten groceries:

  1. Order pickup from a grocery store through their website/app – I use this method all the time. I can order as much as I want, avoid lines, avoid checking out, avoid having to traverse the isles with the potential of not being able to reach an item, and it all gets put in my car for me. Once I get home, I’ll use my laundry basket to put all the groceries in and then bring it into my flat. This makes it a one trip, super fast, and very accessible way of getting groceries.
  2. Go into the store and ask for help – One time I went into the store and knew that my list was long. I went up to the front and asked if there’s someone who can push a cart with me to shop. Doing that does put them in a position where it’s hard to say ‘no.’ In my case, they said yes and they even brought it out to my car with me. This might be a rare occurrence but you can always invite a friend and buy them a pack of fruit snacks as a thank you.
  3. Shop alone and buy little – when I lived abroad for a few months, I would go to the store with my 31L backpack and only buy what I could carry. This is very possible if you’re single and buying food for one person. I also have a simple diet, so maybe it’s just me.

The first takeaway is that you can find a way to get groceries on your own. The third is that using a laundry basket to bring in food from the car is an amazing idea for literally anyone! The second takeaway is for you to think for yourself 😉

Immediate action: Buy me some doughnuts

Overdeliver: My friend just introduced me to “Tony’s Creole,” it’s a pretty cool seasoning, if you’re into getting on a next level seasoning game.

Summary: when getting groceries, I have three methods: online ordering and picking it up, getting help within the store, or only buying what I could carry.

How to Ski for Paraplegics

Reading time: 2 minutes

Let’s not waste time.

You want to ski, you’re wheelchair bound, and you don’t know where to start.

First step, take inventory of yourself. How much money are you willing to spend? Are you able to take an airline (physically and financially)? How far are you willing to drive? Where do you live? (close to a big ski town?)

If you’re in a wheelchair, you’ll use a sit-ski. Sit-skis are expensive.

Anyone could get a decent pair of skis for about $400, but that won’t get you anywhere if you’re looking to buy a sitski.
Along with owning your own sit-ski comes with moving it around and maintenance, which is only worth it if you live in the alps and ski everyday.

A sit-ski will be similar to a wheelchair, but with no wheels, a ski underneath, and you’ll be using outriggers (poles with skis on the bottom).

The first official step, after answering those questions above, is to find where the popular ski hills are around you. For me, in the USA, I looked at states such as Colorado. It’s important that you find a prestigious ski hill, because along with the popularity comes money, and with money comes the funding for an adaptive program.

In your search, it will be best to search a string of words like so: “adaptive ski program” + “city” or “state” + “ski hill (if you know one)”

The adaptive programs are able to teach you how to ski, let you rent a sit-ski, and have instructors to help you.

No matter what you can or can’t do, you can ski.

There are sit-skis with a single ski and double. You can control the outriggers or have the, attached similar to how training wheels on a bike would be attached. This is a great thing, really. Because if you don’t have enough core control to keep yourself stable, then you have have these outriggers attached and just enjoy the ride.

What do you bring with you?

  • Many layers.
  • Look at this post about pants
  • Then look at base layers
  • Get snowpants
  • Get good winter boots
  • Have a good jacket (or some base layers and a hoodie)
  • You’ll need good gloves
  • And wool socks.

Once you get to the hill, the people helping you should have enough experience to guide you through the rest.

Overdeliver: Here are links to get you started, if you’re in the USA:

How to Date a Paraplegic

Or someone in a wheelchair

Reading time: 2 minutes

People in wheelchairs are just that – people (mostly sitting down).

Think of someone you love, as a friend or otherwise, that isn’t in a wheelchair. Imagine them sitting down. Same thing. This is similar to what I wrote here.

This logic doesn’t apply to everyone in a wheelchair, but for myself, that’s how I think of it.

The largest caveat is that someone in a wheelchair will need more physical. The amount of help will vary to each person’s physical and mental limitations.

To date someone in a wheelchair is not so different from someone not in a wheelchair. There is an added level of complexity when it comes to things such as traveling, sex, going for long walks on the beach, living in a house, and most actions in the physical world (none are impossible).

Beyond that, if you’re able to help with that and laugh at some awkward moments together, then the relationship will be much like any other – loving and supportive.

Immediate actionable items: Nothing, just continue breathing.

Summary: Dating someone in a wheelchair, paraplegic or anything else, is not so different from any other relationship. When it comes to love, it becomes more about the person and less about a little limitation.

Overdeliver:  This can actually be a hard perspective for some people in wheelchairs. It’s harder to avoid an inferiority complex if you’ve been in a wheelchair your whole life or if the person is generally pessimistic. Because I’ve had nearly all my life and experiences out of a wheelchair, it’s easier to have this perspective.

Paraplegic Gear/Tools of the Month: Winterize Your Car

Reading time: 1 minute

For this month, the problem we face is getting into the car after going through snow or rain. No matter which way you put your wheelchair in the car, the wet wheels can be a mess.

Not ideal if you have a nice car or like to keep your car nice.

The solution is not entirely cheap, but wholly worth it.

WeatherTech All-Weather floor mats. These are what I have in my car and I never think twice about putting the cinder covered wheels in my car.


As an overdeliver, I also advise having a rag you don’t care about getting mighty dirty. For when you go to a mates house, you can wipe off your wheels and not get their whole house a mess.

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